Kate,
After reading your rough draft I understood your main idea to be that all the efforts one makes to be cool are merely done to deny the true self and hide feelings of emptiness.
By discussing hair and tattooing, you covered two major ways we try to make ourselves cooler. To go along with the idea that "all the world's a stage," these act as the costumes. They are the first thing, often the only thing, the audience can see and analyze about the character being portrayed. If the viewer can be tricked into seeing only what you want them to see, cool is achieved. The mask has successfully done its job by hiding our big ugly void, even to the point where we can fool ourselves.
To be considered:
1). I feel you could make your arguments more clearly connect to the thesis.
2). The first couple paragraphs focus on the "mask," while the later paragraphs focus on feelings of emptiness. Because feeling empty is a major part of your thesis, the paper might read better if you weave the two ideas together throughout.
3). I was confused about your views on henna vs. permanent tattooing, could you expand on that? Maybe explain the differences, if any, in what message each puts out to the world.
After reading your rough draft I understood your main idea to be that all the efforts one makes to be cool are merely done to deny the true self and hide feelings of emptiness.
By discussing hair and tattooing, you covered two major ways we try to make ourselves cooler. To go along with the idea that "all the world's a stage," these act as the costumes. They are the first thing, often the only thing, the audience can see and analyze about the character being portrayed. If the viewer can be tricked into seeing only what you want them to see, cool is achieved. The mask has successfully done its job by hiding our big ugly void, even to the point where we can fool ourselves.
To be considered:
1). I feel you could make your arguments more clearly connect to the thesis.
2). The first couple paragraphs focus on the "mask," while the later paragraphs focus on feelings of emptiness. Because feeling empty is a major part of your thesis, the paper might read better if you weave the two ideas together throughout.
3). I was confused about your views on henna vs. permanent tattooing, could you expand on that? Maybe explain the differences, if any, in what message each puts out to the world.
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